


Contritum speculum

by Venstar



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Other, probably some christmas nonsense, probably some humor, probably some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28029519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: "Suddenly a few feet away the entire plate-glass window shivered into confetti." - Casino Royal
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16
Collections: Mi6 Cafe Prompt Fills





	Contritum speculum

**Author's Note:**

> for Mi6 cafe Anon Gift Exchange.

James Bond sighed heavily. The last thing he wanted to do coming off a mission was to attend a holiday party full of people he wished to avoid for several days, but M insisted and so had Moneypenny and Tanner.

“I’ll be wearing my best shoes and my deadliest dress,” Moneypenny said. “If you’re a good boy-”

“When am I ever a good boy?”

“Point. However, if you are a very good boy, I’ll introduce you to the new Quartermaster.”

“Haven’t met him yet, how is he?”

“Oh, you think it’s a man do you?”

Bond rolled his eyes at her and it did nothing for the pounding headache he had. “I think I’d have heard if it were a lady.”

“Would you have? Of course, you would. You’d probably have tried to jump in her pants as soon as possible hoping she’d give you all the shiny Q branch toys wouldn’t you?”

Another eye-roll and he was almost seeing double at this point. “I didn’t have to sleep with the old Q to get all the toys.”

“Hmmm, no? Well, there was talk.”

“Was there?” No, he would NOT roll his eyes. He must save his brain from the pain. “Anyways. Do tell M I will do the party thing if I must, although with my leg I’ll probably just be holding a wall up. I do hope she wasn’t hoping to whore me out.”

“Never. That’s my job.”

He swatted her shoulder in good humor as she left his flat. Finally. Silence.

So there he now found himself, propping up a fancy wall covered in fancy wallpaper built by some fancy old earl from some fancy century gone by. However, something fancy did catch his eye. He pointed across the room. “Who is that?”

Tanner sighed. “Someone you don’t want to mess with. I heard…” Tanner sighed again. Bond was already moving across the room. Too late. He sipped at his glass of champagne to hide the smile slowly spreading on his face. Well, go ahead, let Bond do his worst.

Bond threaded his way through the crowd of holiday party goers. He was stalled a few times by a hand on his shoulder, a pat on the back, a sprig of mistletoe hung over his head. He wiped off the lipstick and continued on. His target was also bobbing and weaving through the crowd. Bond stood on tip-toe and a-ha! There. The dark head of curls was just a few feet away. He turned his shoulders and squeezed past a few of the girls from reception who were chatting up the blokes from security. His foot hit the wooden edge of the dance floor framed by the large plate glass window of the rented estate ballroom and he came to a halt. The head of hair that he had been following rested on top of a set of narrow shoulders dressed in a simple dark navy blue, snug-fitting velvet suit coat and black trousers. A slender hand rose and pushed up a pair of spectacles. Bond smiled and took another step further until he was just at the other man’s elbow. 

“Do you dance?”

The young man started. He turned and Bond found himself looking down into a wide pair of green eyes. He also found himself being looked up and down in an admiring sort of way. It only fueled his ego.

“I’m not one to make a spectacle of myself in public, so no.” The young man turned back to watch the couples on the dance floor.

Bond leaned forward and whispered in the shell of the young man’s ear. “And in private?” He was rewarded by the slight smile on the corner of a very kissable mouth.

“Only in private.” He began walking away without a by your leave.

Intrigued from the beginning, Bond followed in the man’s wake. There was nothing more delightful than when someone wasn’t giggling and falling all over him. The man came to a halt in front of the table of the drinks table and studied what was on offer.

“Well, if you don’t dance in public, do you have a name in public?”

The young man ignored him for a moment before picking up sparkling water. “It’s classified.”

Bond couldn’t help it, he laughed. It was such a rarity that people in every direction turned to look at him. He coughed but kept a smile on his face.

“You should do that more often?”

“What? Laugh? There’s hardly ever any reason for that.”

“Still, it’s a good look on you.” The young man sipped his water and kept moving. 

“I believe we were talking about names.” Bond said, still pursuing an answer. 

“Ah, yes. As I said. It’s classified.” 

“Would you like to know mine?” 

“I believe everyone knows your name.”

The song changed from a disco beat to something quiet and lilting. Bodies began moving at a slow and luxurious pace.

The young man set his glass down, offered a hand to Bond. “Did you say you wanted to dance?”

“I’d be delighted.” He allowed the young man to pull him onto the dance floor, offering the ladies from the secretarial pool a smile and offering a scowl to 008 who was making a rude gesture. 

The young man raised his arms and an eyebrow. Bond took the hint and slid into position and was surprised to find them moving into a smooth waltz, well as smooth as it could be when it seemed as if both of them were used to taking the lead. Well, this he didn’t mind.

Suddenly a few feet away the entire plate-glass window shivered into confetti.

*CRUNCH*

From across the room, Tanner raised his hands to cover himself and dropped down. His jaw opened in shock. Well, that was a jolly way to end the company Holiday party.

“What the fuck?” Moneypenny yelled out. She was already moving. She pulled a handgun out from somewhere Tanner didn’t think was possible to fit one and pushed M down behind a table. 

M protested at the sudden handling. “What the bloody hell is going on? Moneypenny, you’re crushing me! 

  
  


The lights went out and the music stopped, they could hear the sound of a helicopter coming closer. The wind whipped through the ballroom from the rotor wash as several figures in all black invaded the once happy space. They opened fire into the ceiling.

The celebratory mood of the evening changed as screams, darkness, and panic took over the employees less experienced in the field. Men and women of the field pushed their plus ones behind them. 

004 swore and after kissing her girlfriend briefly and giving her instructions to run and hide, drew her gun from her thigh holster and burrowed into the crowd towards the explosion and gunfire.

R pushed two hapless minions towards the exit door and told them to be useful and find a laptop so she could find a satellite with a laser on it.

Tanner, what’s happening?” M yelled above the noise. 

“I don’t know ma’am, let’s get you out of here! Moneypenny, evacuate her.”

“On it.”

M allowed Moneypenny to pull her along although her attention was on the chaos happening around the dance floor. She put her heels in once she got a good look at what was happening when the bloke that 003 had taken out dropped to show the two men they had surrounded. 

Tiny, yet compact 003 hadn’t brought a date, but he had been hoping to chat up Sheila from accounting. Unfortunately, he had been thwarted when he learned she brought a date and had just turned away to bury his feelings in food. 003 jumped up on the dessert table to get a better view of the room. The figures swarmed around two people on the dance floor who had gone crashing to the floor. 003 drew a knife from one of the magical pockets of his suit jacket and threw it with speed and precision, and managed to take down one of the fellows. He jumped down from the table, pulled another knife out, and made a beeline to where the action was.

“Moneypenny, stop!” 

“We have to go, ma’am!”

“The Quartermaster!” M pointed back to the room.

Moneypenny’s eyes widened as her finger followed M’s. “Shit.”

“Exactly, they’re about to make off with him! How did they find him?”

Moneypenny still hesitated. “Orders, ma’am?”

“If I tell you to seek and destroy, will you listen to me or Tanner?”

Moneypenny grinned. “Always you, ma’am.”

“Well then, what are you standing around here for? Get a move on. I know how to find my way out of an estate.” 

M watched Moneypenny wade back into the fracas before turning around and making her way silently and as swiftly as possible through the halls. No doubt Moneypenny would send one of the agents or Tanner after her, but it was best to keep moving forward.

Tanner did a double-take when he saw Moneypenny reappear without M. He grabbed her elbow and swung her around. “Where’s M?”

“A lady always knows when to leave a party, Tanner. She’s fine. Go after her yourself or send an agent, but she’s worried about the Quartermaster.”

“Bloody hell.” Tanner looked towards the scuffle that was happening. “He was on the dance floor with Bond.”

“Well, then he should be alright for a few minutes. Come on!” Moneypenny ran towards the dance floor, Tanner hot on her sharp, pointy heels.

The double o agents and field agents who remained behind to assist were in hand to hand combat. R was up on one of the tables by the doors to the room, her black tulle skirt flying about her revealing the bright pink converse underneath. Her flame orange hair was a mad whirling beast about her head. She had a laptop in one hand, with her tongue stuck out between her teeth in concentration. Two frightened minions holding court at her feet with two phones, their fingers all typing madly. Moneypenny looked away and found that Donovan had taken a bullet to the chest and was now bleeding out on the floor. No time to stop and help him. She fired at the man grappling with 003 and he went down like a sack of potatoes.

“Oy!” 003 yelled. “I almost had him!”

“Sure you did.” Moneypenny kept moving. “Find Q!”

003’s eyes went wide and he dropped out of Moneypenny’s sight. 

The invaders must have got what they came for because as one they started to retreat. 

Moneypenny and the agents ran after them, firing up at the helicopter but they had to duck backward when machine gun fire rained down upon them from above. And just as quickly as they arrived, they were gone, leaving a blinding emptiness and shattered glass.

“What did they want?” Tanner asked. He was breathing hard and the thin tuft of hair on the top of his head was standing in several different directions.

“I don’t know.” Moneypenny narrowed her eyes and focused on the carnage before her. She jumped when 003 appeared at her elbow dragging a young man on the edge of shock.

“Found ‘im!” 003 said blood smeared across his face and his teeth. His nose was broken and bleeding. 

Moneypenny and Tanner both reached for the Quartermaster.

“Dear God, they didn’t get him!”

“Nah,” 003 said. “They took off with 007. Don’t know why they’d want that old thing.”

Q came to life then and jerked his arm out of 003’s grasp and broke his nose a second time. He gritted his teeth and stalked towards the madwoman that was R, who was laughing gleefully atop her Table of Mount Doom.

“R what are you doing?”

“Focusing my laser beam. It’s time to hunt down the subversives!”

Q waved his hand. “R, no!”

“Oh R yes! I’m gonna laser them so hard they’re mums will think they’ve just had a c-section.”

"R stop!"

"Commence the ill-tempered laser beam in 5, 4, 3-"

“R you absolutely can not take out the helicopter while he’s still in it. I forbid it!”

R flapped her hand daintily. “He’ll be fine, he’ll bounce. He always does. Have you seen that ass? Hmm, no? Well, you should get on that. And I mean in ALL the ways.”

“Alright R, shut it and shut the laser down. We need to track him and get him back! Not blow him out of the air.”

“Oh, do you want to discuss other ways of blowing-”

“R I swear that I will empty all of your bank accounts and-”

“Blah blah blah. Wow, Q. One little dance and you're willing to-”

"What R?" Q whipped around on her. His hair in disarray from where he had run his hands through his hair and tugged at the ends while trying to get her to stop the laser. "That I'm willing to retrieve an agent in one piece rather than blow him out of the sky? I believe that's what I was brought here for. To stop such things from happening. If you want to go back to the old ways, that's fine with me. Hand over your laptop and go back to MI6 where you can busy yourself killing an agent you think so little of."

R glared down at him. "Okay, fiiiiiiine. But I'm keeping the uplink to the satellite open. I’m tracking the heat source. Let me know when you want me to stop being useful."

Tanner sighed. "Children, this is oh so entertaining, but could we get on with saving Bond instead and perhaps salvaging Christmas?"

* * *

Bond woke up with a splitting headache...again. He rolled over and vomited. Well, maybe he had enjoyed the party a little too much. He stretched a hand out to see who it was he had ended up in bed with. Was it that lovely young gent or did he make a fool of himself and go home with whoever would have him. His hand hit hard, ice-cold concrete. 

Oh. He wasn’t hungover. He was...what was he? He furrowed his brow trying to recall what had happened exactly. He tried to stand and felt something heavy dragging at his leg and the sound of chains. What? He moved his leg and the chain rattled and echoed around the room he was in. It was dark and only one light source from above. He winced as he looked up at it. The last thing he remembered was dancing with the young man, the feel of the soft velvet under his hand and the muscle moving underneath...but then...glass exploding, being thrown to the floor and covering that slight body. Then lights, noises, surrounded by people. Where was he?

The sound of rattling of chains dragged along the floor helped to scrape the rest of Bond’s brain out of his skull.

“Good, you’re awake.”

Bond turned the sound of THAT voice. His eyes widened. 

“I was wondering if I was going to have to throw a bucket of cold water on you, but now since that option has been taken away, we can finally have a nice little chat.”

"Who are you?" It had to be a trick of some sort. A play of lights, special effects, makeup, a body double even!

"Ask me who I was." She stood at the edge of his vision and shifted her weight to one side. A chain was also wrapped around her legs. 

A faded memory of them wrapping around his waist struck him. He shook it off. "Who were you then? You're particular, for a ghost.”

“Mmmm, more like a Spectre. I’m the money.” She whispered familiar words to him. An echo of their first meeting.

“Vesper…” The name came tripping off of Bond’s tongue as if he’d forgotten it oh so long ago, but how could he...and more to the point, how could she be alive? “No. No, you’re dead. I saw you. I held you. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”

She laughed and shook her chain and wrung her slender hands. “I’m very sorry, James, but you have no time to die tonight.”

"We are chained," Bond said. "Tell me why? Who took us?"

"I wear the chain I forged in life,” Vesper said shaking her leg. “I made it link by link and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you? You wear one as well.”

Bond glanced down at the chain around his ankle. Was it not real? Was he not captured, held hostage? He knelt down, one eye on Vesper’s ghost. He touched it and his hand passed through it, but his leg still felt heavy, weighed down.

“I’m afraid no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused. It’s time for you to live, Dear James.”

“How?”

Vesper faded from his vision. “I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere. I am here to-night to warn you, that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. A chance and hope of my procuring, James." 

“I don’t understand. Is this real?”

“It’s as real as you’ve made it, James. You will be haunted by three spirits. Without their visits, you cannot hope to make different choices. Expect the first tomorrow, when the bell tolls one." Vesper’s figure began to fade. 

“No, stay! Talk to me, Vesper!”

Vesper or the ghost of Vesper formed back into an almost solid form of her self and she strode forward, her chains rattling. “Dear James. Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us!” She leaned forward as if to kiss him and he leaned forward to meet her, but she was gone.

“Again.” Bond turned in the circle of light. “Vesper? Vesper!” He called out into the empty darkness, but she was there no more. 

When Bond awoke with a start, it was to find himself in a very dark and stark room. The floor and walls were made of concrete and there were square lumps scattered throughout. He moved and the sound of a chain rattling caught his attention. He sat bolt upright and saw that this time he indeed did have a real chain holding him prisoner. Eerie words were repeated to him out of the dark. 

“Good, you’re awake.”


End file.
